Do you feel like no one really loves you?

By Human Synthesis - 31 July 2024. Orig.UtforskSinnet - 02 Jan. 2019

We all need to feel loved. It is almost as important as eating or sleeping: a truly basic need.

When you feel like no one really loves you, that you don't really matter to anyone, it's like you've been deprived of the food you need to live. While physical survival depends on food and sleep, emotional survival depends on love.

The feeling that no one really loves you can come from different places. In principle, all people can feel this way. Nobody loves us perfectly . Even the deepest and most sincere loves, like a mother's love, are imperfect and incomplete.

"And you will accept the seasons in your heart, as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your meadows."

– Khalil Gibran –

If you idealize love too much, you may come to the conclusion that no one really loves you , because they are not willing to give their lives for you. Or because they eventually fail you and they are not there when you need them.

Those who love out of emotional deprivation require more love than people can give. And because their expectations are so high and they are not met, they can end up being constantly disappointed.

There may be times when you feel that no one really loves you, because you simply cannot build true bonds of love with others.

Maybe you've been hiding under your own skin and isolating yourself. Maybe you don't know how to build and maintain loving relationships. So you feel trapped in a loneliness that hurts.

Do you feel like no one really loves you? Including yourself?

Many times when you feel like no one loves you, "no one" includes yourself. It is relatively easy for some to realize that their self-esteem is low. It's also easy to say, "Well, now it's just about loving myself more". The difficult thing is to make this idea a reality.

It's not that you don't want to love yourself, you just can't find a way to do it. If you don't appreciate yourself, it didn't come out of nowhere. Behind it is often a whole story of hostility, sometimes of abandonment or violent aggression.

One of the most likely causes of a lack of self-love is that we were given false arguments from our parents when we were children, often disguised as innocent, as to why we should not ask for or demand affection. Somehow others gave us the idea that we were not worth it. That we weren't worthy enough of love.

We believed these arguments because the people who made us think that way were people we loved, even admired. Perhaps we began life without being loved. Carrying a "why?" on our shoulders, one without an answer.

And perhaps we have learned not to love ourselves in order to please a  father , mother or other loved one who expected it from us because they were misled.

Do we help others so that they love us?

Sometimes we live in a state of emotional deprivation. In other words, lack of affection.  We may even come to the conclusion that we do not want to live like this.

However, it is not easy to get out of this state. At this point it is worth asking: do we help others so that they love us?

Although the feeling that no one really loves you is very deep, the exit may not be too far away.  Sometimes it's just a matter of forgiving those who have not loved us because of their own emotional limitations.  Admitting that their hostility had much more to do with themselves than with us.

It also involves forgiving ourselves, because we didn't really do – or stop doing – anything that would have earned us such indifference. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you and that  any feelings of guilt you have are groundless.

The way out…

It is important to ask ourselves if we know how to love others.

Sometimes we present ourselves as in desperate need of affection, and this can scare or push others away.  It's really a confession that we don't love ourselves and that we need the other person to feel valuable.  If it gets to this point, what happens is that nobody wants that kind of responsibility.

We may not have developed enough  social skills  either.  We can always learn to relate to others in a more fluid and spontaneous way. It is something we can learn, seek and practice. It works.

It is the first step in breaking the barrier that separates us from others. Then, having opened the gates, perhaps we can learn to move forward on the extraordinary adventure of mutual love.

If someone manipulates you or makes you feel bad just so they feel better about themselves, is having them in your life really worth it?

Manipulative people suffer and make others suffer.  The way they act makes it hard for other people to be around them and keeping them close can make it hard for us to feel good about ourselves.

It is easy to describe their " modus operandi ". However, it is a more complicated task to fully understand what they are like.  Perhaps the first thing we should learn is to recognize them. That way, we can help others who are suffering because of manipulative people, as well as protect ourselves.

Narcissism

An excessive love of oneself is what mainly characterizes  narcissism . Those with this trait tend to believe that they are better than everyone else.  They only value comparisons where they themselves come out the best.

We can identify a manipulative person by the way they speak.  Instead of having a real interest in what the other person has to say, they ignore them. They only focus on what they themselves need to say and the others thus feel unheard and ignored.

On the other hand,  manipulative people believe that they live a life full of emotions.  Therefore, it is very likely that they will end up talking about moments where they were "heroic". This trait alone is not a symptom of this type of  personality .  However, it can tell us a lot about a person.

Machiavellisme

Machiavellianism is a personality trait that refers to a very concrete tendency:  to treat others as if they were instruments or means rather than real  people .  That no one should suffer may be a goal, but it will always be secondary to manipulative people, when it comes to achieving their own goal. To do this, they use certain strategies such as lying or blackmail.

When you meet someone with this profile, it's normal  to feel like you're not doing what you really want to do.  The manipulative person often convinces us to act in a certain way. This is something that will make the relationship superficial in the long run.

A need to be better than others

Manipulative people do not want others to succeed.  They are the only ones allowed to be in the spotlight, and they will do whatever it takes to make it happen.  These people don't care if they make others feel bad. Their goal is to go on and be the most outstanding people in a social environment no matter who they step on.

For example, it is not unusual for these people to criticize others in a subtle way.  In the long run, constant interaction with a manipulative person will make an individual feel  insecure .

On the other hand, manipulative people feel bad if they feel that someone else is stealing attention from them when they are in a group with several people. This encourages them to  do whatever it takes to get back into the limelight.  They start telling stories, they speak louder, or place themselves in the middle of the group.

Jealousy

Another very prominent characteristic of manipulative people is that  they cannot stand it when others succeed at something they themselves are not good at.  This has to do with their need to be better than others and to be recognized, but there is more to it than that.

When a close friend reaches one of their goals, it would be normal to be happy for them, right? Well, a manipulative person will feel the opposite.  They will be very angry because someone else has something they don't have.  Because of this, they will begin to criticize them, minimize the importance of what the friend has achieved, or even withdraw from them.

What can we do about manipulative people?

As you can see, it is not easy to have a relationship with a manipulative person.  The relationships  they have with others tend to be quite toxic.  However, the level of discomfort the relationship causes will depend on how severe their behavior is towards other individuals.

When you meet someone with this profile, there are only two possible things you can do: accept them and try to minimize the damage they cause or end the relationship.  Both options are perfectly valid, but it is necessary to realize what is actually happening before making a decision.

Finally, the most important thing you can do when it comes to a manipulative person  is to set boundaries . If someone manipulates you or makes you feel bad just so they feel better about themselves, is having them in your life really worth it?

NOW SOME ADVICE FROM AI-CHATGPT4O

Feeling loved and valued is a fundamental human need, akin to the need for food and sleep. When this need is unmet, it can cause deep emotional pain and a sense of isolation. Here are some philosophical perspectives and advice to navigate these feelings:

Understanding Imperfect Love

No love is perfect. Every human relationship is bound by limitations, misunderstandings, and imperfections. Recognizing this can help mitigate feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. Philosophers like Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir have discussed how relationships are often fraught with conflict and incompleteness. Instead of seeking perfect love, focus on the meaningful connections you have and appreciate them for their unique qualities.

Self-Love and Self-Acceptance

Aristotle posited that a key aspect of a good life is achieving a state of eudaimonia, often translated as flourishing or well-being, which includes self-love. Practicing self-compassion and self-care is crucial. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a loved one. When you cultivate a strong sense of self-worth, external validation becomes less critical.

Existential Freedom and Responsibility

Existentialist philosophers like Sartre emphasize the concept of freedom and the responsibility that comes with it. While we cannot control how others feel about us, we can control our own actions and attitudes. Embrace your freedom to create meaningful connections, pursue passions, and build a life that reflects your values and desires.

The Stoic Perspective

Stoic philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius advocate for focusing on what is within our control and accepting what is not. They teach that our judgments about events, rather than the events themselves, cause our distress. By shifting your focus to your inner life and the aspects of love and connection you can influence, you can find greater peace and contentment.

Community and Connection

Aristotle also described humans as "social animals." Building and nurturing a community of supportive and loving relationships is essential. Seek out connections that uplift and support you. Engage in activities and communities where you can share your interests and values, fostering a sense of belonging.

Mindfulness and Presence

Buddhist philosophy emphasizes the importance of mindfulness and being present in the moment. By practicing mindfulness, you can develop a deeper appreciation for the love and kindness that exist in your life, no matter how small or fleeting. This awareness can help you feel more connected and less isolated.

Finding Meaning and Purpose

Philosophers like Viktor Frankl suggest that finding meaning and purpose in life is a powerful antidote to feelings of emptiness and isolation. Engaging in meaningful activities, helping others, and pursuing your passions can create a sense of fulfillment that transcends the need for external validation.

Embracing Impermanence

Understanding the impermanent nature of all things, including emotions and relationships, can be liberating. Recognize that feelings of loneliness or unlovedness are temporary and can change with time and effort. This perspective can help you navigate difficult periods with greater resilience.

By integrating these philosophical insights into your life, you can cultivate a deeper sense of love, connection, and inner peace, even amidst the imperfections and challenges of human relationships.

In conclusion, the need for love and connection is as vital to our emotional well-being as food and sleep are to our physical health. By understanding that no love is perfect, practicing self-love and self-acceptance, embracing our existential freedom, focusing on what is within our control, building supportive communities, practicing mindfulness, finding meaning and purpose, and accepting the impermanence of all things, we can navigate feelings of loneliness and unlovedness with greater resilience and peace.

These philosophical perspectives offer a path to deeper connection, inner peace, and fulfillment, even amidst life's inevitable imperfections.

This text is offered for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.